I’ve always carried a bit of Magical Thinking with me.

I buy storage bins and clever little divided boxes with the steadfast hope that the objects belonging therein will somehow find their ways into their containers.

As a child I hid away in my room in my wonderful made-up world of my dolls and books, hoping the awful and terrifying world of my childhood home wouldn’t touch me.

As a wife I hoped that if I were to simply phrase things better or serve the right meals, my husband wouldn’t be triggered into lashing out.

As a husband, I think he hoped that if he just found the Right Next Thing he’d be happy. Could it be fixing up our old dead-in-the-water motorhome so he could take trips with his friends? Sure we had planned to use that money to redo our beat-up wood floor, but maybe this would be the Right Next Thing. Could it be spending thousands of dollars from a tax return on remote control helicopters, rather than on a vacation we could all enjoy? He hoped he’d be happy, and I hoped right along with him.

In case you haven’t already figured it out, those freaking storage containers always needed me to actually DO something–something active.

And my hopes that hiding away from my family would keep me safe? Well, the body inconveniently remembers. It holds the truth, the terror, and the trauma deep within us. And whenever it decides to, pops its scary little head out.

Same with my marriage. All the hoping in the world wouldn’t change anything, and trying to learn to say what I needed in terms of respect and ways I was treated? That changed things alright, but not for the better.

My life-saving therapist said, “Hoping things will change is just magical thinking. The only person you can hope to change is yourself.”

It’s true. Magical Thinking may be a delightful place to live for a brief time, but it gets you nowhere. Not out of filling those bins and organizing those items. Not unscathed out of an abusive childhood, and not into a blissful relationship with the man you thought you’d spend all your days with.

Action is where it’s at. We decide our values–including the value we place on our own selves–and we work to live those out as best we can.

We can only work on our own shit. That includes putting items in those storage bins I keep buying….

The Bring Your Own Beverage Conversation: where could you practice better self-care? Are you practicing Magical Thinking in some part of your life? If so, what action could you take?

As always, I’m happy to have you join me on this learning journey!