books & articles

Constructive Wallowing, How to Beat Bad Feelings by Letting Yourself Have Them

by Tina Gilbertson

From her website:
What is Constructive Wallowing?Why should you wallow when you feel bad? Because your life will be on hold until you do. Constructive Wallowing is a book about becoming happier by letting yourself be sad. It’s counter-intuitive, but it works!

How Does It Work?

It takes energy to fight with your feelings. Whenever you:

force yourself to stop thinking about something painful…
try to look on the bright side of a dark situation…
tell yourself, “Just get over it already” …
You’re using up precious energy that would otherwise go toward pursuing your dreams.

Your life is waiting for you. To meet it with joy and enthusiasm, you need to allow your real feelings to move through you, whatever they are. Next time you feel bad, try using the T-R-U-T-H Technique:
T = Tell yourself the situation

R = Realize what you’re feeling

U = Uncover self-criticism

T = Try to understand yourself

H = Have the feeling

The secret ingredient is self-compassion. Details are fleshed out in Chapter 5